he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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