am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
