"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
