Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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