wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Congratulations! We have a period
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