it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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