guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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