he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
