once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
