the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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