so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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