Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
