Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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