did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We had sex on a dog bed..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
