If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
