think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
