I'm really into asian looking animals
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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