he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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