I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
