if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
