morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
