Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
