You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
