In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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