Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
