kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
