she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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