Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
