I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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