RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
