don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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