I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
