just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
