but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just found puke in my bra..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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