i'm signing you up for texting rehab
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
