i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
