He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
