Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
