True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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