its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
