I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
