i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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