she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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