I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
