my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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