does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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