so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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