i may or may not be watching the land before time
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
