I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
