Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
