just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
