I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
