Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
and you fell through a lawn chair
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize