I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
